Expectations

"Crushing one another with colossal expectations."

                      - Stuck Between Stations by The Hold Steady

Good God it doesn't take long for the rabble to rouse.

Not a month into the Major League Baseball season and the sky is falling for fans of the Toronto Blue Jays. It has been 20 long seasons since Canada's team has sniffed the postseason. 1992 and 1993 are years of legend. The Jays marched through the American League and won its only two championships. Since then, the team has been a disappointment. Every ounce of hope snuffed out to shrugs like it was supposed to be that way; like the Jays never belonged in the conversation to begin with; like it was a fluke.

For every Roy Halladay there was a Josh Towers. For every Carlos Delgado there was a Vernon Wells. There was never a complete roster. Attendance dropped and a fourth or third place finish became the norm, the expected finish.

When the Jays acquired Jose Bautista in 2008, it didn't turn any heads. He was a depth addition to spell the regulars when they got injured or needed a day off. He was a role player. He remained as such for most of 2009 before having a huge September mashing 10 of his 13 home runs on the campaign. He proceeded to lead the majors in dingers into 2011. How soon we forget.

With his glimpse of hope being injected into the Jays, people started getting interested again. He gave Toronto fans something to cheer for. An underdog story. Being the underdog, though, missing the playoffs was still a foregone conclusion but steps were being made. Good drafting and some savvy trades beefed up the farm system with guys like Brett Lawrie, Travis d'Arnaud, and Kyle Drabek. Some have panned out, others not so much and others have since been moved.

How soon a tune can change.

Injuries plagued Bautista and the Jays in 2012 but another under the radar acquisition, Edwin Encarnacion, thrived in his new leadership role. Then the team did something it hadn't done since those fabled days in the early 90s. General manager Alex Anthopolous made some huge moves to make the team relevant in the hunt for a postseason berth. They dealt youth like d'Arnaud, Jake Marisnick, Justin Nicolino and Noah Syndergaard for big league talent Josh Johnson, Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, and R.A. Dickey. Hope was restored.

Then the 2013 season began and as we hit the end of April, the Jays sit with an underwhelming 8-12 record. The world is over! Burn the whole organization to the ground. Bring me the head of Alex Anthopolous!

It's a long season, but apparently patience has given way to desperation and rage. For the first time in years, the Blue Jays were pegged to be front runners for the AL East and a rough start to the season has apparently destroyed everything. Fans are looking for scapegoats, excuses, anything to sick their teeth into and tear to shreds. It brings out the worst in people.

Some comments are relatively innocuous. A friend of mine, a hardcore Blue Jays fan, posted "different year, different players, same ole pathetic bluejays" to his Facebook. Others, like on TSN comment boards, have been more vitriolic and downright maddening. After a loss to the Yankees on Saturday, fans were calling out Bautista for his back spasms saying he is a bust and should man up and play through his injuries. They've called him a disgrace, a fraud. This is horrible. If you are suggesting someone to risk further injury to sate your desire as a fan, you are giving the whole notion of sports fandom a bad name. He does not owe you his health. If he takes the time he needs to recover and can offer a more balanced approach on the field, he will be more likely to produce the desired results. But no, play through it because the ignorant fan demands your blood, sweat and tears. Sweat, perhaps but let's not ask for him to destroy himself for our bloodlust.

"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing," Vince Lombardi said.

The city, the country, wants a champion. This is fine, but learn to temper your expectations. Baseball seasons are long and nothing is lost after one month. The St. Louis Cardinals overcame a huge deficit in 2011 to sneak into the playoffs on the final day of the season. That team won the World Series. It shocked everyone, Cardinals fans included.

Fans want immediate results. Well, that doesn't always happen. There is a chance that this isn't the beginning of a dynasty as many soothsayers predicted. It may, however, evolve into a successful season the longer we press into it.

When the 2013 NHL season began, albeit after the delay of the strike, no one believed the Montreal Canadiens would be a playoff contender. The team's hot start and continued success brought its following out of its slumber as people started to believe. Fans on a message board I frequent were saying things like "I don't even care how this season ends, it's been a success."

That's what expectations can do. The Habs have stumbled down the stretch and any fan who has followed this team through the year can attest to the fact that it's been a remarkable ride. While an early bounce in the postseason will certainly be disappointed, it won't necessarily be a crippling blow.

With every loss the Blue Jays take, the fans are running to the hills to profess how much of a disgrace the team is. Get off your high horses and cheer your damn team through the bad times like you would during the good. That's what you sign up for as a fan, whether you like it or not. Have a chat with a Cubs fan about disappointment. That will put your pain into perspective.

Would you chastise your child's sport's team for its losses? Maybe you would, but then maybe you should take a hard look in the mirror. No, the players on the Jays are not personally known to the fans but the beauty and the beast of it all lies in the emotional connection we form with these players.

Will the Jays win the World Series? It's far too early to tell. It is clear that the team is not going to be the indestructible behemoth as it was advertised. There is time for everything to balance out. Reyes' injury hurts and only exacerbates the holes in the lineup that were glossed over in favour of focusing on hype. 

Wait it out and enjoy the game of baseball, even if things don't always turn out in your team's favour.

Disconnect

Pensive atop Parc Guell in Barcelona.

I’m trying to decide which cliché contains more truth: distance makes the heart grow fonder or out of sight, out of mind.

It’s probably both depending on the situation. Context is everything, after all. I moved to Beijing at the beginning of September 2012. It’s only been eight months away from, I guess, home. It has and hasn’t been a struggle.

Over these months, it has been interesting to watch and consider the relationships with people both in Canada and here in China. In Beijing, I’ve become friends with people who may never have crossed my path elsewhere. I’d like to think that some of these people are now lifelong friends as we have been permanently entwined in our journeys. Maybe they will be, or maybe it’s fleeting. I wonder how much of friendship is determined by personal proximity.

I am a ghost. I have been absent for many significant, and possibly minor events that have befallen my friends and family. Babies have been born. Relationships have formed and fallen. Careers have changed. I know about things tangentially and without much detail. This is no one’s fault, and I hold no bitterness. Some have reached out, and some haven’t. I have been better with some more than others. 

In class, we watched the documentary “Spellbound” about eight teenagers competing for the championship at the 1999 National Spelling Bee in Washington, DC. It’s a pretty effective, if slight, look into the lives of these youths. I did some basic digging to see what happened after the movie was released. One of the competitors died in 2007. One of them got pregnant and became a mother at age 18 only to be the beneficiary of a group of concerned citizens wanting to help her achieve her dream of going to university. She graduated university in 2008, apparently, and had the dream of pursuing her master’s and PhD in social work. No new information is available.

Another is a teacher, and even maintains a blog that shecontinues to update. They’re regular people facing regular trials that life throws at them. They likely have had people drift in and out of their experiences over time. This is one of the things I’ve been trying to communicate to my students, as they are the same age as the people in “Spellbound” were when the movie was filmed.

It’s easy to fall into the blame trap or to develop paranoia. There’s no point in wondering if you did something to upset someone, even though it’s a sensible emotional response when feeling separate from what only a few months ago was your reality. It’s also logical that as we age, we don’t remain friends with every person we’ve encountered along the way. This separation happens; it’s unavoidable.

I’m not bitter, though I will excuse anyone who interprets my mood as such. I’m nervous. I’ve been warned about reverse culture shock upon returning to Canadian soil. Will I slide back into the roles that had been established for me prior to my big move, or will things be fundamentally different? Have things really changed as much as they appear or is it all still pretty much the same?

This year has helped me strengthen my independence. Through traveling Spain alone and figuring out my new job on my own, I have grown.

I have also identified a nearly crippling fear of commitment that shouldn’t surprise me. I can’t stay still. Unfortunately, the tenuous nature of relationships when one moves around comes with the territory. Writing this reminded me of an interview with comedian Aziz Ansari as he commented on the oddities of romantic relationships. As the days press on, I am becoming more resigned to the notion that the fading glow is going to happen. I want to be there for people, but the fact is I’m not. I’m here.

Just know that I am neither writing this with tears welling in my eyes nor a scowl furrowing my brow. A wise man said it’s just a ride. The best thing we can do is find a balance between letting go and holding on.

The Band has been on a regular cycle recently. I feel nostalgic and the summer will sate some of my desires for the familiar.

“Oh to be home again

Down in old Virginny

With my very best friend

They call him Ragtime Willy

Woulda been nice to see folks

Listen once again to the stale jokes

The big rockin’ chair won’t go nowhere.

I can hear something calling on me

And you know where I want to be

Oh Willy don’t youhear that sound?”

The song Rockin' Chair is a plea for an old friend to come home. It's a beautiful song about undying friendship and the losses that accompany aging. It's been a cathartic song helping me adjust with, I don't want to say dying but, changing friendships. It gives me that needed boost to know that some of the best is yet to come even though the song is perhaps less optimistic in places.

It's ironic, too, since the Band toured nonstop for many years. The song Danko-Manuel, by the Drive-By Truckers laments the toll the road took on members Rick Danko and the angel-voiced Richard Manuel (who sang the aforementioned Rockin' Chair). 

There will be laughs and tunes and stories to share. Regardless of how distant I've become, for whatever reason, I look forward to the reconnect. 

Cheers.

Criticism

Roger Ebert, as everyone has heard by now, passed away last week. I'm a bit late to the party championing what he meant to world of cinema and writing, but that's okay. Ebert was an inspiration, even tenuously, to a ton of film nuts the world over and his passing is sad even to those who never met him. Like me.

It doesn't matter if you agree with a critic. If you take it as a personal affront when a writer dislikes something you cherish, you need to re-evaluate the situation. Watching film (and experiencing any type of art) is an intimate experience. The connection a movie can have will vary depending on the eyes and perspective angled at it. I may have been moved by Jason Reitman's Up in the Air when it came out in 2009 but that doesn't mean I'm owed the same reaction by anyone. Up in the Air worked as an example of the isolation felt in crowds. We have opportunities to make connections with others and sometimes we will have a negative impact on people, regardless of our intentions. We are all under a lot of pressure to make the right choices, to fill our suitcases with the right items so to speak. Some of us shut people out because it's easier in the short term but what are we left with when the dust settles?

Those are some of the ideas that came to me when I saw Up in the Air. Not everyone shared my love of that movie, and that's fine. If you saw that movie and did not connect to the themes of isolation or crushing disappointment when you actually do throw yourself out there only to be rejected, all I can do is explain to you what I did see. Maybe you'll give it another look. Maybe through that second look you will develop a different understanding and see something in the movie you didn't see before. Maybe you'll shake your head and ask yourself why you listened to that jackass.

Criticism is about communication, not about cutting artists down to size. Some critics may see themselves as the king of the mountain whose words of 'yay' or 'nay' can determine the value of something. I can't speak to that because a critic's words do not carry any importance in isolation. The conversation is not over when those words are printed.

This is what Ebert represented so well. While I never experienced it first hand, I've been reading stories and listening to podcasts about him and his connection to his fans and readers and dissenters. He did take the time to reply to people. He did consider what others thought. He did not apologize for his opinion. He was willing to share the experience with others without being dismissive. He may have savaged a movie here and there when he felt passionately about it (North) but he did so in a way that was equal parts entertaining and well-written.

My students are in the midst of a unit on film history. I am trying to inspire the idea that movies are about more than entertainment. This is a difficult task as many adults see them only as meaningless time-wasters. My goal is to have them think more critically about the things they see in movies. If they can analyze a theme or identify the purpose of a movie they otherwise label as boring or bad, they may develop a greater appreciation for film.

Movies were notoriously used to waste time when I was a student. We would watch a movie in class to kill time or reward us for good behaviour. Sometimes it was to accompany a novel or play we read, which at least provided a contextual connection. There were times in my grade 11 history class when my teacher asked me to provide copies of Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan to the class for our unit on World War 2. I am asking more.

Films have the opportunity to give audiences perspective on the world around us. Blue Valentine provides a glimpse into the rise and fall of a romantic relationship and the failed attempts at sealing the cracks. That is a fairly standard type of movie, but Derek Cianfrance executed it with a harsh realism that shakes the audience. It's uncomfortable and it should be. Blue Valentine, while very separate from my own romantic endeavours, forced me to reflect on the failings of past relationships. In some cases I likely washed my hands of responsibility of the disintegrations I was involved in. That movie was a splash of ice cold water in my face. Unpleasant but necessary.

I don't begrudge people who watch movies only for entertainment. They're missing out on the depth that is available to them. Sure, The Dark Knight Rises is exciting and features explosions, chaos and ass-kicking superhero action. But it is also a commentary on the effectiveness of fear as a method of control and manipulation. Looking at an otherwise easily dismissed movie in that way provides me with a greater enjoyment. It expands the conversation.

When Fargo came out on video (not DVD, we watched it on the VCR!) I hated it. I found the characters shrill and annoying. I, frankly, was bored. Nothing happened! Why is there this scene where this woman meets up with her old friend from high school where he becomes a blubbering mess? What's with the accent? Revisiting it a couple years later on CBC, I was hooked. It was all about desperation and what people do when there seems to be no way out. It's the same for Jerry Lundegaard as it is for Marge Gunderson's high school friend. Only Jerry is desperate for money while the friend is desperate for companionship. It has been a long while since I last watched Fargo, so I am not as specific about it as I could be.

The next time you come out of a movie, don't just go home or go to bed. Don't just move on. Let it percolate. Let it bubble. Think about it. Why was the movie made? What were the filmmakers trying to say? Granted, if your escapism is fueled by trips to Transformers movies you may find this exercise tiresome and unnecessary. But if you find yourself frustrated by a movie like The Master or Tree of Life, wrestle with it. It is perfectly okay if you hate it with all the fiery passion you can muster, but think of what didn't work for you. If something is confusing, talk with someone else who watched it and figure it out together. That's part of the fun. Whether you realize it or not, watching movies is a skill that needs to be developed to get the maximum experience possible.

It's not always easy, some of the work is left up to the audience and I challenge anyone who doesn't normally think that way about their entertainment to look deeper.

PS. Ebert's final review, of Terrence Malick's To the Wonder, features a line at the end that I find very poignant. I wish I wrote it.

"Reach beneath the surface, and find the soul in need."

Movies inspired him to write that. That is the power therein.