Snowfall

It snowed overnight.

Before I came to Beijing I was informed that while the winters get very dry and cold, the snow mostly holds off. Waking up Sunday morning to see the soccer field outside my window with a patchy quilt of snow was somewhat surprising, but also comforting.

I am no fan of winter, or so I've claimed since I was young. I've longed for year-round summers or autumns. I've hoped the eternal chill of December through February would not rear its head. I've wished that global warming would hurry the hell up. And yet I couldn't help but smile when I looked out the window.

Could I be homesick? I've wondered this, and I think the answer is yes...and no. I miss the people, I miss live sports, and I miss movies opening on their scheduled weekend (though never a guarantee in New Brunswick). I know, however, that I would feel like I was missing something. The problem is, even on the other side of the world I still feel that nagging void. I came here to see if this would pacify it; to see if it would help. In some cases it has, and will continue. Seeing the Great Wall, walking the streets of Shanghai, finding a Tapas Bar down an alley that shows old movies on Tuesday nights, losing myself to the call of karaoke each have fueled a joy and I expect travels to Vietnam and Cambodia and possibly Thailand to do the same.

It is an amazing experience that I will never regret. I will see things that many of my friends never will. No matter where I go, no one will be able to take these away from me. I look at those who have built lives here over the years, and while I don't think I'm exactly jealous I do yearn to be able to do the same somewhere. Stability is an attractive concept, and I haven't found it yet.

When my thoughts swirl and I question my existence on this floating sphere, I retreat into the world of movies. Those close to me, and probably everyone who has ever met me for more than a minute, know that I am obsessed with film. In one leg of town, Sanlitun, there is a DVD shop. I don't plan on rebuilding a collection but the price is right. I bought 11 DVDs and spent around $20 Canadian. Good news: so far they all work! This whole weekend, with the exception of a few excursions out and about, has been a movie weekend. Not a bad thing, it's how I cope with life. That sounds depressing, but it's not. Movies, good and bad, help me form connections to the world. They get me thinking about different mindsets and perceptions. Movies are not a break from reality, they enhance it. The casual moviegoer will never get this, and will probably think I'm certifiable. In fact, I feel kind of silly even writing that.

I stood with a coffee looking out the window at the freshly fallen snow. I felt like I was back home. But what, and where, is home? I don't know the answer to that question yet.